So near and yet so far

Posted by Johnnie Wed, 04 Jul 2007 22:48:00 GMT

As if we needed any more proof that genius is a fickle mistress, elusive and intermitent, I present Guns ‘N Roses’ Sweet Child O’ Mine:

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies / As if they thought of rain.

Brilliant. That’s a fantastic lyric. There are people who would die happy if they wrote a lyric half that good. What have you got next for us, Axl?

I hate to look into those eyes / And see an ounce of pain.

Ow. Sorry. You were doing so well, too. Next!

Not many people have heard Axl Rose’s original lyrics for this verse, which were cut at the request of Geffen Records (and the rest of the band):

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies / As if they thought of rain / I hate to look into those eyes / And see an ounce of pain / Metric weighing vexes her / And makes her head go “ouch” / I want to make the sex with her / Upon our tour bus couch. / Ooh, yeah, baby / Lick my love pump, etc.

“Must make it rhyme! Else it’s not poetry!“

Posted in Bad Gags, Music | Tags axl rose, bad gags, composing, genius, guns n roses, lyrics, music, sweet child o mine | 2 comments | no trackbacks

Are you eating protection?

Posted by Johnnie Mon, 18 Jun 2007 12:59:00 GMT

Suggestion for the Peperami marketing people: you have a product which consists of a long, cylindrical, extremely phallic stick of pink meat. You may find your sales increase if you do not package this product in a wrapper which looks, feels and (most importantly) unwraps exactly like a condom. You may also want to consider an alternative to the rather condom-like plastic wrapping that surrounds every peparami, and which one has to unroll in a condom-like fashion in order to slip the meaty goodness into one’s mouth.

Is it just me, or is it hot in here?

Posted in Bad Gags, Rants | Tags bad gags, condoms, marketing, peperami, rants | 2 comments | no trackbacks